Just Me Is All I Am

Thursday, June 08, 2006

Everythings Changed...

so i have decided to end this blog due to personal reasons
if you want a link to my new one email me and let me know
I hope you enjoyed reading this, and want to continue reading my blog
but like i said, this is it for this one, I am starting a new chapter in my life
and feel that this blog, will only hinder me moving forward...
Like i said, if you want to continue reading my thoughts
email and I will send you a link... take care

Chris

ccampbell47150@insightbb.com

shattered`* 9:27 PM

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Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Flipping through the diary
that I carry along
Inside are many things
written about you
You hate being left alone,
accustomed to being protected,
you find me only when you're lonely
I look at my feelings
that I've written down
I find myself in a
depressing situation
I waited a long time for you
I cry whenever I think of you
What exactly is happiness?
I Loved you until it hurts
It hurts until I cry
I cry until I'm tired
Every page inside the diary
Writes about your positives
Like I'm addicted to a poison
It repeatedly blinds and poisons me
I Loved until it hurts
It hurts until I cry
I cry until Im tired
My heart clashes with my desires
I tell myself to let go
Close my eyes and
let you walk away
As I burn my diary

shattered`* 11:23 PM

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SO THIS IS HOW IT ENDS

Dear someone
I'm sorry I signed off on you.... i wanted to say so much, but knew it would get us no where. I felt i would be wasting our time.... so I ran away, which is what I am so good at doing. This will be the last anything from me to you though... I know as well as you that we are over. Just neither of us has said it. I wish you nothing but the best. And I hope you find yourself while you are gone. I'm sorry I won't be here for you when you come back. I just can't wait around... I would never ask you to wait for me... I hope you understand, and I'm sorry if I am being selfish. I changed my SN, so if you want to contact me, you have my email. I don't think talking though through phone, or IM is the best thing right now. Cause I am sure I would say something stupid, that would make you feel bad for doing what you are doing, and I don't want you to feel bad... As I have said so many times in the past, do what makes you happy, and don't worry about anyone else. I am giving up on us though... I don't think things will ever work the way I want them, and you say you want them to work. I'm finding it hard to trust you again, for reason, I'll explain if you want me to, but not on here... I don't know.. like I said, I'm sorry for the way things turned out, and I'm sorry if I had anything to do with it... I hope you find someone who treats you good, and loves your son... the way I did. And again I'm sorry... for me running away... but we both knew that I would if things didn't change soon. I'm not good at long distance friendships (ask Joey), much less a relationship. And again, I wish you the best, and hope you find happiness out there.

Chris

shattered`* 8:43 PM

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So today was an odd day to say the least. Work didn't suck which is odd in itself. After work I went to the drive in with some friends and watched "The Omen" which I must say was a very good movie. I got scared a few times... although I didn't let out a scream like some of my friends did. After the movie, me and some of them went to Jerrys, and ate. All and all I had a great time... something I need to do more often. I tend to sit at home, and waste away my life, when I should be out and enjoying myself like I did tonight, anyways, I guess

I am going to head to bed... Oh another thing I heard that Bush is trying to pass into law, something regarding banning homosexual marriages, now I was too tired and groggy to listen to the story. But, for the sake of love, I wish people would just leave them alone. I don't think that anyone should not be allowed to marry, however, I do believe that they need to start having marriage counseling required, and some classes, or something, to save the entire purpose of marriage. There are too many divorces, period. People have lost the sense of having to work through stuff, now I know that there are special circumstances, and that is not what I'm arguing. At all. I think people should be able to get divorces, I just wish they'd make it a little bit more difficult to get married, then, perhaps people would realize they don't want to because it would take a longer amount of time, and actual effort. I mean, the flakey people would get tired of it. Get it? Yeah. Okay. And as far as the whole ban on the homosexual marrige thing, I think there are alot more important things that Bush, and the goverment should be worried about, Like how to get out of Iraq, The Iran nuclear thing, oil, and the list goes on.

Well enough about all that my eyelids feel heavy, my head sways and nods of its own accord. im about to go out like a light (i can actually feel myself slipping in and out of consciousness) but my mind stubbornly lingers, insisting on sorting out all the crap that has accumulated during the days course. my sense of hearing sharpens considerably; i am acutely aware of the sounds around me, especially that of my rude air-conditioner, which emits a grotesquely audible

'tchrrhrhrhhhrrrhhhhh' at regular intervals. like a vcr on auto, the rewind button at the back of my brain is pressed. a mental replay of the days events flashes in my minds eye, like a rushed powerpoint presentation. what i had for breakfast, who pissed me off and why, who i pissed off and why, the screw ups, the highlights, the movie I just saw, the friends I hung out with ... i ve opened a floodgate of raw emotions, and even in my hazy semi-conscious state i inadvertently groan at a particularly embarrassing scene or smile contentedly when i recall some small victory (no matter how inconsequential) I achieved. the reel of my lifefilm peters out. i let out a tiny sigh and snuggle down further into the warmth of my comforter. slowly slowly slowly ... falling asleep has got to be one of the most weirdest, yet oddly pleasurable sensations in the whole world. Yea, I am getting tired... when I just sat and wrote that whole long thing about falling asleep... Well its 5am, and I have been up for about 20 hours or so, I am heading to bed right now, I think i have said that many times alread, but this time I mean it...

Peace I'm Out

shattered`* 2:10 AM

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Sunday, June 04, 2006

So a friend at work told me about this song,
and I was looking for a video of it to put on here,
but couldn't find the real one, but I found this one,
that someone made, and anyways, I think it's to funny.
So please be so kind, and watch it and let me know what you all think...

"This Is My United States Of Whatever"

shattered`* 9:49 PM

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Who I Am

Name: Chris
Age: 22
Birthday: 4-14-1984
Work Place: Walmart

You can find out more about me on here

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About Me

Writing is my passion -- get used to it. Even the simplest language is beautiful if phrased correctly. I don't like when people use "their" instead of "there" or "your" instead of "you're". Once in a while, a mistake is okay ... every time you use it is not. I don't like words I can't understand ... especially when they're used in everyday conversation. I think clichés are amusing and though I feel weird using them to justify things, I do anyway. But only sometimes. I could fill a book with my thoughts ... and someday I will. I want to be published, I want to be known. I love the city but will only live in the country I want to be a teacher, yes, and I will be someday, but I want to be a husband, a father, and a friend first. I want to help others ... starting with my family. I want to love others ... starting with myself. I love blankets -- even in the summer. I love fans ... even in the winter. Fresh air and natural light cure just about anything. I am a firm believer that everything happens for a purpose ... that it is up to us to discover that purpose ... and that more often than not, we won't understand ... even if we find an answer. Regardless, I believe that everything works out for the best. Always. I like holding hands. I like going to the beach, I like going on walks ... no matter what time it is. I like looking at the stars and I love hiking. Camping is one of my favorite things to do -- especially in the summer. I love taking pictures; I love laughing, I love being silly, I love when people aren't afraid to be silly sometimes. I love cartoons. I love to swim and play in the water and I love board games. I like hot popcorn and brand new sharpies. I love paper and journals. I'm a huge packrat. Boy Meets World is my favorite show ... I love hot bread and soft serve ice cream. I hate feeling useless. I love staying up late and I love sleeping though I will never sleep enough. Coloring is fun ... drawing is not. I like alcohol ... and cigarettes ... but no other drugs. I like playing video game. I like playing with my website and blog. I love journaling -- no matter how geeky it is. My two favorite animals are cats and penguins. My favorite color is blue. I love reading for hours on end ... especially outside on a sunny day. I love the sun ... though I hate being warm. I'd rather be cold than hot I would rather eat chicken than beef. I don't like pork chops. I love sausage and eggs. I love playing in the rain and sitting outside when it's stormy. I love having friends and I love laughing with my friends I love to sing, even though I'm not very good at it. But if you ask me to sing for you, I probably won't. It has to be spontaneous. Music is important to me and I will not tolerate music that is degrading or crude in any way. Buzzing is my least favorite sound and it can easily drive me insane. If there is a bee in the room, don't expect me to pay attention to anything else. I love snail mail ... I love cards. I love getting mail, but I like sending it even more. Christmas and Halloween are my two favorite holidays. Valentines day is my least favorite I'd rather give you something sentimental than something practical ... but I'm not against practicality. If I'm shopping and something silly catches my eye and makes me think of you, chances are ... you'll be receiving it shortly thereafter. Silly gifts make life enjoyable. :) Inside jokes are amazing ... remember when's are mind blowing. I don't like paying for parking ... and I would rather park farther away if it's free. If something is broken, I'll probably leave it broken until I need it next. My room is usually messy because I usually don't have time to clean it. But eventually I will clean it ... and the next day, it will probably be messy again. I would rather carry out the plans than create the plans. I have strong opinions ... I will share them, but only when I feel so inclined. Generally speaking, I think before I speak -- especially in large groups. But once you get to know me, I am an open book. Don't be put off by my apparent shyness ... because shy is the last thing to describe me accurately. I love my family. I want to spend time more with them. I just started enjoying spending time with them. Family values are becoming very important to me. If anyone talks bad about my family, they'll get an earful. Because though they may annoy me sometimes, I will defend them to the death. Even if they're wrong ... if you badmouth them ... I'll defend them. That is something I can promise. I love best friends and old friends ... and I love when new friends become old friends. I support and appreciate people who can argue their point in an educated manner, who have a logical reason for things -- even if I don't agree. I don't like when people can't support themselves ... I'm trying to learn how to disagree without being disagreeable and I admire people who know how.. I admire integrity and honesty I love when people aren't "too tough" to forgive. I love beginnings, but I know that endings have to come before beginnings can happen. Some of the most beautiful things in my life have ended ... but endings bring about strength and teach lessons In the words of Langston Hughes --"I like to eat, sleep, drink, and be in love. I like to work, read, learn, and understand life.

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The Lyrics

I had a dream
that I could fly
I can feel each moment
as time goes by
We'd never be too far away,
You would always be here,
I heard you say

I never thought
Thought that it would be
our last goodbye
(our last goodbye.)
I still can dream
That one day love
will fall out
from the sky

Do you still remember
all the time that has gone by?
(do you believe?)
Do you still believe that
love can fall out from the sky?
If from where you're standing,
you can see the sky above
I'll be waiting for you,
if you still believe in love
(do you still believe?)

Find a way to bring back yesterday
Find a way to love
I hope we stay
When tomorrow becomes today
Love will find a way

I'll be waiting for you,
in my heart you are the one
If I cannot find you,
I will look up to the sun
(do you believe, do you believe?)
If from where you're standing,
you can see the sky above
I'll be waiting for you,
if you still believe in love

Do you believe?
Do you believe?

Do you still remember
all the time that has gone by?
Do you still believe that
love can fall out from the sky?
If from where you're standing,
you can see the sky above
(do you believe?)
I'll be waiting for you,
if you still believe in love

Do you believe?

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