Wednesday, May 03, 2006
So I was reading this, and again got depressed, it's called college friends, and even though I have not moved away to go to college, or even started college yet for that matter, it still hit home, I have had a friend that moved to the other side of the country, and this speaks alot of that, but it's on his end not mine, but anyways, I decided to post this on here, its a good read. I'll write more at the bottom. :)
Maybe the time has gone, but the faces I recall. Things in this life change very slowly, if they ever change at all. The scary part being that we've all been hit with change lately, and it doesn't seem to have come slowly at all. Do you remember the day you left home? I'm sure that you do. But I'll bet that what you remember even more clearly were the days in the week before you left. You know, the days that you spent getting addresses, phone numbers, and email addresses and trying to figure out how to say good-bye to everyone that you've loved for as long as you could remember.
Do you remember standing by your best friend's car one night, after midnight, trying to sum up the meaning of a friendship you'd managed to maintain through thick and thin for years? Do you remember how hard that was, to think of how to say good-bye to that one person? It was nearly impossible, wasn't it, to give them that one last hug and turn around and walk inside?
I'll bet the part of what you remember was the night before you left, kissing your girlfriend or boyfriend good-bye one last time. Just knowing that you'd have to turn around and walk back inside was almost motivation enough not to leave. Stepping back to take one last look at that person you love--it's really scary. And you go and you tell yourself that you won't ever find someone new. You won't ever replace your old friends. You'll never fall in love again.
It's really crazy,what kinds of things can happen when you don't mean for them to. You get to a new place full of strangers. You meet people who forget you. You forget people who you meet. But sometimes, you come across some extra ordinarily special people. They have tears to shed, too. They also left people that they love behind. They're still in love with that girl or boy back home where they used to live, and they all want someone to talk to. So you talk. Talk is good. You form bonds you never thought you'd form. You call your old friends and tell them about the new ones. Sometimes, they don't understand. Sometimes, you hurt their feelings. Sometimes everyone is a bit jealous. You miss your girlfriend or boyfriend.
One day you're sitting in the park, thinking about all that stuff you didn't want to leave, and a stranger sits down near you. Sometimes that person stays a stranger. Other times you talk to him or her. Sometimes you experience things you didn't want to ever happen. You become interested in a person that isn't your girlfriend or boyfriend at home. Sometimes college is really complicated.
Sometimes you stay together, other times you break up. Sometimes you think you've done the wrong thing by coming so far away from home. And sometimes when you start thinking like this, it's time to make a change. So when this happens, you sit down and turn on your stereo, and that song "Leaving on a Jet Plane" from the Armageddon soundtrack is on, or The Eagles "Sad Cafe" song, and you wonder if you can still recall all the faces from your past. So, you pick up the phone and you call them all just to say, "Hi, I love you, I'm thinking about you." And then just as an after thought you say, "You know, I'm really learning a lot from college. I wish you would visit all of my friends. They would love you. And you would love them. They're very important to me."
Because, after all this is college. And college is a growing experience. Growing experiences cause change is hard. But whatever doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.
So call your parents. Call your siblings. Call your best friend. Or your boyfriend or girlfriend. Or even your ex, if that's how it worked out. Tell them hello. Tell them that you miss and love them. And then, turn off your stereo, walk out of your dorm room. Go to a new friend's room and give them a big hug and say, "Thanks so much for being here. I love you."
You learn a lot when you go to college. You learn that pulling an all-nighter means staying up all night to study for a test you will then sleep through. You learn to appreciate the taste of beer-the cheapest of all alcoholic beverages. You learn that you can roll out of bed 10 minutes before class and go to class looking like shit-and no one will notice or care. You learn you really can do things for yourself without your parents looking over your shoulder--but you also learn you never realized how nice it was to have them there, just in case. More than anything, however, you learn how much your friends really mean to you. College friends come to mean a lot to you, but they can never compare to your friends from home. Your friends from home teach you the meaning of friendship during your college years. Because you are apart from them you tend to express your feelings more --- you learn how much these people truly affect your life.
You've got your best friend who exemplifies friendship-they call at least once a week, sends email every day, and even sends you real mail. You feel like you never left each other...they still know everything about you, and even over the Internet can tell when something is wrong. They teache you that distance doesn't have to change a friendship at all. Then there is your other best friend. The one that rarely calls or writes and they don't do the email thing. At times you think they have forgotten about you...until you hear from them. You hear from them for the first time in almost two months-and nothing has changed. You are still you and they are still them --even though you never talk you are as close as ever, you are still the best of friends. You find yourself expressing to them just how much they mean to you -- because you realize it now more than ever. They teache you that true friends are friends in the soul... separation cant tear them apart.
Then there are those friends that you sort of lost touch with those last few months of high school and during the summer. You were busy, they were busy...but somehow, the magic of email has brought you closer together than you ever were in four years at the same school. You share secrets, heartache, and joy...it's another person who cares about you as long as you will care about them too. Away from all the pettiness of high school, you've finally formed an adult relationship...and you realize just how great a friend this person is suddenly, the people that you thought for sure you would lose touch with in college are the ones you're keepin closest contact with--and you miss them more than you ever thought possible. Sadly enough, there are also the friends that you were closest to in high school who drift too far for you to hold onto. You've both changed and suddenly you don't have much to say to each other. But these people teach you a lesson too, they make you value the others, the ones you have stayed close to, that much more. These distant friends, though you miss them when you rarely think of them, show you who your forever friends really are-and they make you appreciate those forevers much more than before.
College is rough. College severs some bonds and solidifies others...it puts a distance between you and the ones you love. But it teaches you so much. It forces your real friends to come to the front, while the rest take their places in the shadows of your memories. In college you lose some people -- but through real friendship and the strength of the soul (which is where real friends join as one) you keep the ones you will need most in your life.
So there is just one more thing I want to say about this. To someone who was my best friend, all through school, and even for a few years after... then something happened, and now we hardly ever talk... and I just want to say I'm sorry... and what makes me depressed is the fact that I don't want her to "take her place in the shadows of my memories" (quote from above... well sorda). However I guess it's not up to me, I know she has a new friend, who is a better friend than I ever was... and I am happy for her, I know her new friend will be the forever friend I always said I would be. It just still makes me sad, the distance between us, and the lack of communication. But I guess everything happens for the best, I guess one day I will understand how what happend to this friendship was for the best, or maybe I never will.
shattered`* 1:49 PM
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Name: Chris
Age: 22
Birthday: 4-14-1984
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Writing is my passion -- get used to it. Even the simplest language is beautiful if phrased correctly. I don't like when people use "their" instead of "there" or "your" instead of "you're". Once in a while, a mistake is okay ... every time you use it is not. I don't like words I can't understand ... especially when they're used in everyday conversation. I think clichés are amusing and though I feel weird using them to justify things, I do anyway. But only sometimes. I could fill a book with my thoughts ... and someday I will. I want to be published, I want to be known. I love the city but will only live in the country I want to be a teacher, yes, and I will be someday, but I want to be a husband, a father, and a friend first. I want to help others ... starting with my family. I want to love others ... starting with myself. I love blankets -- even in the summer. I love fans ... even in the winter. Fresh air and natural light cure just about anything. I am a firm believer that everything happens for a purpose ... that it is up to us to discover that purpose ... and that more often than not, we won't understand ... even if we find an answer. Regardless, I believe that everything works out for the best. Always. I like holding hands. I like going to the beach, I like going on walks ... no matter what time it is. I like looking at the stars and I love hiking. Camping is one of my favorite things to do -- especially in the summer. I love taking pictures; I love laughing, I love being silly, I love when people aren't afraid to be silly sometimes. I love cartoons. I love to swim and play in the water and I love board games. I like hot popcorn and brand new sharpies. I love paper and journals. I'm a huge packrat. Boy Meets World is my favorite show ... I love hot bread and soft serve ice cream. I hate feeling useless. I love staying up late and I love sleeping though I will never sleep enough. Coloring is fun ... drawing is not. I like alcohol ... and cigarettes ... but no other drugs. I like playing video game. I like playing with my website and blog. I love journaling -- no matter how geeky it is. My two favorite animals are cats and penguins. My favorite color is blue. I love reading for hours on end ... especially outside on a sunny day. I love the sun ... though I hate being warm. I'd rather be cold than hot I would rather eat chicken than beef. I don't like pork chops. I love sausage and eggs. I love playing in the rain and sitting outside when it's stormy. I love having friends and I love laughing with my friends I love to sing, even though I'm not very good at it. But if you ask me to sing for you, I probably won't. It has to be spontaneous. Music is important to me and I will not tolerate music that is degrading or crude in any way. Buzzing is my least favorite sound and it can easily drive me insane. If there is a bee in the room, don't expect me to pay attention to anything else. I love snail mail ... I love cards. I love getting mail, but I like sending it even more. Christmas and Halloween are my two favorite holidays. Valentines day is my least favorite I'd rather give you something sentimental than something practical ... but I'm not against practicality. If I'm shopping and something silly catches my eye and makes me think of you, chances are ... you'll be receiving it shortly thereafter. Silly gifts make life enjoyable. :) Inside jokes are amazing ... remember when's are mind blowing. I don't like paying for parking ... and I would rather park farther away if it's free. If something is broken, I'll probably leave it broken until I need it next. My room is usually messy because I usually don't have time to clean it. But eventually I will clean it ... and the next day, it will probably be messy again. I would rather carry out the plans than create the plans. I have strong opinions ... I will share them, but only when I feel so inclined. Generally speaking, I think before I speak -- especially in large groups. But once you get to know me, I am an open book. Don't be put off by my apparent shyness ... because shy is the last thing to describe me accurately. I love my family. I want to spend time more with them. I just started enjoying spending time with them. Family values are becoming very important to me. If anyone talks bad about my family, they'll get an earful. Because though they may annoy me sometimes, I will defend them to the death. Even if they're wrong ... if you badmouth them ... I'll defend them. That is something I can promise. I love best friends and old friends ... and I love when new friends become old friends. I support and appreciate people who can argue their point in an educated manner, who have a logical reason for things -- even if I don't agree. I don't like when people can't support themselves ... I'm trying to learn how to disagree without being disagreeable and I admire people who know how.. I admire integrity and honesty I love when people aren't "too tough" to forgive. I love beginnings, but I know that endings have to come before beginnings can happen. Some of the most beautiful things in my life have ended ... but endings bring about strength and teach lessons In the words of Langston Hughes --"I like to eat, sleep, drink, and be in love. I like to work, read, learn, and understand life.
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