Thursday, May 11, 2006
100 things about me
1. Born in Jeffersonville, Indiana, April 14th 1984.
2. Lived in Sellersburg Indiana until I turned 18
3. Since turning 18, and my parents got divorced I have moved 7 times
4. I’ve been out of this country once, I went to Canada
5. I have a fantasy about living there one day.
6. I learned to drive when I was 17.
7. I passed my drivering test the first time.
8. I can’t blow a bubble with gum, or whistle. There, I’ve told the world.
9. #8 is two of my biggest embarrassments.
10. Sometimes I get my left and right confused.
11. I graduated mid term in h.s. to get an early start in college
12. I loathe the fact of #10. I missed so much during my senior year, and 4 years later I have yet to start college
13. I’ve weighed the same since High School.
14. If I could, I would live on biscuits and gravy.
15. I’m lazy when it comes to exercise.
16. I’m staggeringly uncoordinated. I couldn’t catch a ball if you paid me.
17. I was always the last to be picked for the team.
18. The biggest paradox in my life is that I’m afraid of being alone. So much so that I spend my days at home or at work, and I tend not to let people get close to me cause I am scared they will leve me, and I will be alone.
19. It’s a paradox, because I’m alone anyways, cause I won't let people close to me.
20. I am very unsure of my faith, I don't even know what I believe in anymore.
21. My favorite tv show is boy meets world. So much of it is like my life
22. My favorite movie is Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind.
23. My best friend of 10 years moved to Las Vegas 2 years ago which is what started #18.
24. My other best friend, has all but stopped talking to me also, which again has something to do with #18.
25. When I was in primary school, I wanted to be an astronaut, a vet, and a archeologist.
26. When I was 14, I went through a phase of wanting to be a wrestler.
27. Since High school, I have decided I want to be a teacher.
28. I'm hopeing to make #27 come true in the next few years, with any luck I'll be starting college on Aug 21'st this year
29. I started writing poetry when I was 13.
30. I’d like to learn to play Gutair before I die.
31. I've started to read alot here latley, something I hated to do while in school.
32. I've had a low self-esteem every since I can remember.
33. My self-esteem went on a downward spiral because of crummy school grades, some bullies who had nothing better to do than pick on me, and my father who labelled me as a failure.
34. I still resent my father for ignoring me most my life, and not seeming to want anything to do with me
35. I started smoking when I was 21, and people tell me how pointless it was to start then
36. I had my first beer at the age of 15. I remember how I sat in a corner and wondered what all the fuss was about.
37. I've started drinking mixed drinks though and I love them.
38. I fancied myself a goth for years. I wasn’t. I just wore black and scowled a lot.
39. I still wear a lot of black, but I smile more.
40. Me and my fiance got engaged on Oct 31'st 2005.
41. Set our wedding date for Oct 31'st 2006
42. Since then alot has happend and we recently broke up.
43. Helen was my first and only TRUE love.
44. I have a fear of large groups, and people looking at me as a leader.
45. Which brings me to the next paradox: I’m a customer service manager at work.
46. I am an undiagnosed manic depressive, with adhd, and ocd.
47. My ocd isn't the good kind where you clean all the time either.
48. I was starting to get better (with my M.D.) while Helen and I were together.
49. The love she showed me until she moved, was more than enough to start getting over depression
50. As a result of her moving, I'm slipping back into depression at a fast rate
51. I had a near-death experience while swimming in the ocean when I was young.
52. As a result, I panic when I smell salt water.
53. I am trying to find who I am, and everytime I get close, everything changes
54. I have 3 pets (2 cats and a dog).
55. None of them were named by me, all of them were given to me since I moved away from mom.
56. Zipper, one of my cats, is the weirdest cat I have ever seen.
57. Sasha, my dog, and Rusty, my other cat, get along, and it's very weird watching the two play.
58. I hate licking stamps.
59. Actually I hate the post office, and try to avoid going there at all costs.
60. I read eclectically – if someone recommends a book, I read it to understand more about that person.
61. I can’t grasp the fact that I’ll only ever be able to be myself and not other people.
62. If you didn’t understand #61, don’t worry – sometimes I tend to overthink life.
63. Speaking of #60, I am the same way with music.
64. I have a dream of going to space one day.
65. And having a magazine column.
66. And writing a poetry book.
67. I also have a plan to invent something that will make laundry so much easier.(well it's something a friend of mine and me were talking about, his idea so I can't take credit)
68. I will miss said friend if I get my new job in the next few days
69. I worry constantly – about being alone (see #18), about loved ones dying, about whether people like me, about whether I’m on the life-path I’m supposed to be, about whether my house is clean enough, about whether I’m ever going to meet the one for me.
70. I want to be able to do my best at everything. I worry about being a failure (see #33).
71. I am going to put more effort into college than I did in high school (my gpa was 2.5).
72. I find I want to call Joey and tell him every thing that happens in my life cause he used to be there when anything happened and since he moved(see #23), I feel that he should still know.
73. It took 4 years from graduation to apply for college.
74. I hope to get my acceptance letter soon, so I can do the whole financial aid thing and that way I will know for sure I am starting on Aug 21.
75. I can't wait for Helen to get back to this area.
76. I believe that we will get married on Halloween, just maybe not this year.
77. I think it's better that we are waiting though, and taking a break, we both still have alot of growing up to do, and growing in general.
78. I’ve never known such grief as when she moved and never want to again.
79. I hate it when people move away.
80. I plan to make it to las vegas, and virginia sometime this summer
81. But I won’t: I'm poor, and can't afford to do so.
82. I guess I should mention Helen moved to VA.
83. If I could I would buy a plane and go to Las Vegas and VA every week
84. I love to play bingo, and go to Ceasers or any other casino for that matter.
85. My best trait is that I try very hard not to be judgmental. I give everyone, a chance to be friends with me, though I tend not to let them get close to me, and avoid hanging out when ever I can
86. Which has resulted in a whole bunch of what a friend calls “stalkers”. I tend to pick up strays who have nowhere else to go and then get stuck with them, and when I don't hang out with them they get mad at me.
87. I don’t believe there is any right religion…
88. Which has got me into a lot of trouble when I’ve spoken to people who think there way is the only way
89. I don't like organized religion
90. I hate bigotry, which I think is rooted in ignorance.
91. I can’t decide if I am going to quit my currant job, should I be offered this new one
92. The way to my heart is through my mind.
93. My cat is starting to get on my nerves, she keeps wanting to play, and has almost unplugged the computer 3 times now.
94. I am running out of things to say, I am glad I am almost to 100.
95. I’m a careless house-keeper. I care about dust and dirt, not untidy piles of clothes, or mail scattered over the kitchen counter.
96. I’m an introvert – I love being on my own.
97. Which again is a paradox of fearing being alone
98. I hate my hair, cause it is curly and sometimes unmanageable, when it starts to get long
99. But I apparently like it, cause I don't get it cut that often, yet another paradox
100. I found writing this incredibly therapeutic. Thanks for reading
shattered`* 9:48 AM
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____________________________________________________________________
Who I Am
Name: Chris
Age: 22
Birthday: 4-14-1984
Work Place: Walmart
You can find out more about me on here
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About Me
Writing is my passion -- get used to it. Even the simplest language is beautiful if phrased correctly. I don't like when people use "their" instead of "there" or "your" instead of "you're". Once in a while, a mistake is okay ... every time you use it is not. I don't like words I can't understand ... especially when they're used in everyday conversation. I think clichés are amusing and though I feel weird using them to justify things, I do anyway. But only sometimes. I could fill a book with my thoughts ... and someday I will. I want to be published, I want to be known. I love the city but will only live in the country I want to be a teacher, yes, and I will be someday, but I want to be a husband, a father, and a friend first. I want to help others ... starting with my family. I want to love others ... starting with myself. I love blankets -- even in the summer. I love fans ... even in the winter. Fresh air and natural light cure just about anything. I am a firm believer that everything happens for a purpose ... that it is up to us to discover that purpose ... and that more often than not, we won't understand ... even if we find an answer. Regardless, I believe that everything works out for the best. Always. I like holding hands. I like going to the beach, I like going on walks ... no matter what time it is. I like looking at the stars and I love hiking. Camping is one of my favorite things to do -- especially in the summer. I love taking pictures; I love laughing, I love being silly, I love when people aren't afraid to be silly sometimes. I love cartoons. I love to swim and play in the water and I love board games. I like hot popcorn and brand new sharpies. I love paper and journals. I'm a huge packrat. Boy Meets World is my favorite show ... I love hot bread and soft serve ice cream. I hate feeling useless. I love staying up late and I love sleeping though I will never sleep enough. Coloring is fun ... drawing is not. I like alcohol ... and cigarettes ... but no other drugs. I like playing video game. I like playing with my website and blog. I love journaling -- no matter how geeky it is. My two favorite animals are cats and penguins. My favorite color is blue. I love reading for hours on end ... especially outside on a sunny day. I love the sun ... though I hate being warm. I'd rather be cold than hot I would rather eat chicken than beef. I don't like pork chops. I love sausage and eggs. I love playing in the rain and sitting outside when it's stormy. I love having friends and I love laughing with my friends I love to sing, even though I'm not very good at it. But if you ask me to sing for you, I probably won't. It has to be spontaneous. Music is important to me and I will not tolerate music that is degrading or crude in any way. Buzzing is my least favorite sound and it can easily drive me insane. If there is a bee in the room, don't expect me to pay attention to anything else. I love snail mail ... I love cards. I love getting mail, but I like sending it even more. Christmas and Halloween are my two favorite holidays. Valentines day is my least favorite I'd rather give you something sentimental than something practical ... but I'm not against practicality. If I'm shopping and something silly catches my eye and makes me think of you, chances are ... you'll be receiving it shortly thereafter. Silly gifts make life enjoyable. :) Inside jokes are amazing ... remember when's are mind blowing. I don't like paying for parking ... and I would rather park farther away if it's free. If something is broken, I'll probably leave it broken until I need it next. My room is usually messy because I usually don't have time to clean it. But eventually I will clean it ... and the next day, it will probably be messy again. I would rather carry out the plans than create the plans. I have strong opinions ... I will share them, but only when I feel so inclined. Generally speaking, I think before I speak -- especially in large groups. But once you get to know me, I am an open book. Don't be put off by my apparent shyness ... because shy is the last thing to describe me accurately. I love my family. I want to spend time more with them. I just started enjoying spending time with them. Family values are becoming very important to me. If anyone talks bad about my family, they'll get an earful. Because though they may annoy me sometimes, I will defend them to the death. Even if they're wrong ... if you badmouth them ... I'll defend them. That is something I can promise. I love best friends and old friends ... and I love when new friends become old friends. I support and appreciate people who can argue their point in an educated manner, who have a logical reason for things -- even if I don't agree. I don't like when people can't support themselves ... I'm trying to learn how to disagree without being disagreeable and I admire people who know how.. I admire integrity and honesty I love when people aren't "too tough" to forgive. I love beginnings, but I know that endings have to come before beginnings can happen. Some of the most beautiful things in my life have ended ... but endings bring about strength and teach lessons In the words of Langston Hughes --"I like to eat, sleep, drink, and be in love. I like to work, read, learn, and understand life.
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The Lyrics
I had a dream
that I could fly
I can feel each moment
as time goes by
We'd never be too far away,
You would always be here,
I heard you say
I never thought
Thought that it would be
our last goodbye
(our last goodbye.)
I still can dream
That one day love
will fall out
from the sky
Do you still remember
all the time that has gone by?
(do you believe?)
Do you still believe that
love can fall out from the sky?
If from where you're standing,
you can see the sky above
I'll be waiting for you,
if you still believe in love
(do you still believe?)
Find a way to bring back yesterday
Find a way to love
I hope we stay
When tomorrow becomes today
Love will find a way
I'll be waiting for you,
in my heart you are the one
If I cannot find you,
I will look up to the sun
(do you believe, do you believe?)
If from where you're standing,
you can see the sky above
I'll be waiting for you,
if you still believe in love
Do you believe?
Do you believe?
Do you still remember
all the time that has gone by?
Do you still believe that
love can fall out from the sky?
If from where you're standing,
you can see the sky above
(do you believe?)
I'll be waiting for you,
if you still believe in love
Do you believe?
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