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Tuesday, April 04, 2006

She is tougher than she looks.
The happy, flirty exterior hides a woman
who has gone through her own personal hell.
Betrayal by friends and having to prove herself.
She and I are knitted together by a matrix
of experiences of life, and everytime I think
that I can no longer learn from her,
I am proven wrong and humbled by my arrogance.

She smiles and my heart melts. Not in a bad way.
I enjoy the intimacy we share,
the intimacy only reflected in our eyes,
reflected through the honesty of our easy conversations,
knowing she will be there when I need her.
She taught me about love. She taught me about letting go.

His gentleness and subtlety remind me of my spiritual paths.
The inner peace that I see within him has become stronger with time,
and our friendship is one of acceptance. As far apart as we are,
each meeting is as if we had never spent time apart,
and the realisation that we are becoming young men.
Emerging from our coccoons, a far cry from the naive boys we were.

I laugh with him. Laugh like I can forget the world,
and his obvious enjoyment fuels my own.
The innocence of friendship and laughter,
and knowing that we will be able to lean on each other
in this rollercoaster of life. Knowing that there will always be
place for me despite the differences between us.

He is the one of the few I can let down all barriers with.
Both fuelled on by each other's company,
be it comfortable silence or the manic laughing fits.
Growing up together, growing apart yet closer at the same time.
Finishing each other's sentences. Late night drives. Crazy ideas. My counterpart and ally.

She will always bring heartbreak to mind, and at the same time,
a friendship forged out of the embers of that mutual resolution.
A strange friendship, a strange bond, knowing I am one of the few
that she has ever dated, a strange comfort with each other
despite the distance that separates us now.

She reminds me of all that is good and sweet in this world.
Her warmth, her love, her capacity to trust.
The type of person that life has a habit out of eating alive.
She makes me want to protect her fragile heart,
to let her live her goodness without becoming
hardened like the rest of the world.

He carries within him such pain,
pain I can never begin to comprehend.
Yet, underneath the tough exterior,
every so often I feel him soften,
and I wish I could help him heal the scars.
With affection there is also pain,
for by opening myself to him,
I share the pain he speaks of.

They become part of me, and I carry part of them with me.
The joys, the sadness, the lessons I have learnt
and the ones they have learnt from me,
each individual and many more touching me in ways
so subtle and uncomprehensible, it will never be known
to what extent I have changed due to the course
of the people I have met.

Some are associated with life's lessons.
Some with the seven deadly sins,
and what I must never succumb to.
Some with matters of the heart,
and the realisation that the intensity
of emotion always grows with time.
Some with hope and pride and aspirations.
Some with the philosopher, the lover, the fighter,
the healer, the innocent, the darkness,
the good, the evil, the fallen, the hopeful
and everything in the world that exists within humanity,
and all I carry within.

And I wouldn't change a single thing.


shattered`* 11:38 AM

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____________________________________________________________________



Who I Am





Name: Chris
Age: 22
Birthday: 4-14-1984
Work Place: Walmart


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About Me


Writing is my passion -- get used to it. Even the simplest language is beautiful if phrased correctly. I don't like when people use "their" instead of "there" or "your" instead of "you're". Once in a while, a mistake is okay ... every time you use it is not. I don't like words I can't understand ... especially when they're used in everyday conversation. I think clichés are amusing and though I feel weird using them to justify things, I do anyway. But only sometimes. I could fill a book with my thoughts ... and someday I will. I want to be published, I want to be known. I love the city but will only live in the country I want to be a teacher, yes, and I will be someday, but I want to be a husband, a father, and a friend first. I want to help others ... starting with my family. I want to love others ... starting with myself. I love blankets -- even in the summer. I love fans ... even in the winter. Fresh air and natural light cure just about anything. I am a firm believer that everything happens for a purpose ... that it is up to us to discover that purpose ... and that more often than not, we won't understand ... even if we find an answer. Regardless, I believe that everything works out for the best. Always. I like holding hands. I like going to the beach, I like going on walks ... no matter what time it is. I like looking at the stars and I love hiking. Camping is one of my favorite things to do -- especially in the summer. I love taking pictures; I love laughing, I love being silly, I love when people aren't afraid to be silly sometimes. I love cartoons. I love to swim and play in the water and I love board games. I like hot popcorn and brand new sharpies. I love paper and journals. I'm a huge packrat. Boy Meets World is my favorite show ... I love hot bread and soft serve ice cream. I hate feeling useless. I love staying up late and I love sleeping though I will never sleep enough. Coloring is fun ... drawing is not. I like alcohol ... and cigarettes ... but no other drugs. I like playing video game. I like playing with my website and blog. I love journaling -- no matter how geeky it is. My two favorite animals are cats and penguins. My favorite color is blue. I love reading for hours on end ... especially outside on a sunny day. I love the sun ... though I hate being warm. I'd rather be cold than hot I would rather eat chicken than beef. I don't like pork chops. I love sausage and eggs. I love playing in the rain and sitting outside when it's stormy. I love having friends and I love laughing with my friends I love to sing, even though I'm not very good at it. But if you ask me to sing for you, I probably won't. It has to be spontaneous. Music is important to me and I will not tolerate music that is degrading or crude in any way. Buzzing is my least favorite sound and it can easily drive me insane. If there is a bee in the room, don't expect me to pay attention to anything else. I love snail mail ... I love cards. I love getting mail, but I like sending it even more. Christmas and Halloween are my two favorite holidays. Valentines day is my least favorite I'd rather give you something sentimental than something practical ... but I'm not against practicality. If I'm shopping and something silly catches my eye and makes me think of you, chances are ... you'll be receiving it shortly thereafter. Silly gifts make life enjoyable. :) Inside jokes are amazing ... remember when's are mind blowing. I don't like paying for parking ... and I would rather park farther away if it's free. If something is broken, I'll probably leave it broken until I need it next. My room is usually messy because I usually don't have time to clean it. But eventually I will clean it ... and the next day, it will probably be messy again. I would rather carry out the plans than create the plans. I have strong opinions ... I will share them, but only when I feel so inclined. Generally speaking, I think before I speak -- especially in large groups. But once you get to know me, I am an open book. Don't be put off by my apparent shyness ... because shy is the last thing to describe me accurately. I love my family. I want to spend time more with them. I just started enjoying spending time with them. Family values are becoming very important to me. If anyone talks bad about my family, they'll get an earful. Because though they may annoy me sometimes, I will defend them to the death. Even if they're wrong ... if you badmouth them ... I'll defend them. That is something I can promise. I love best friends and old friends ... and I love when new friends become old friends. I support and appreciate people who can argue their point in an educated manner, who have a logical reason for things -- even if I don't agree. I don't like when people can't support themselves ... I'm trying to learn how to disagree without being disagreeable and I admire people who know how.. I admire integrity and honesty I love when people aren't "too tough" to forgive. I love beginnings, but I know that endings have to come before beginnings can happen. Some of the most beautiful things in my life have ended ... but endings bring about strength and teach lessons In the words of Langston Hughes --"I like to eat, sleep, drink, and be in love. I like to work, read, learn, and understand life.







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The Lyrics






I had a dream
that I could fly
I can feel each moment
as time goes by
We'd never be too far away,
You would always be here,
I heard you say

I never thought
Thought that it would be
our last goodbye
(our last goodbye.)
I still can dream
That one day love
will fall out
from the sky

Do you still remember
all the time that has gone by?
(do you believe?)
Do you still believe that
love can fall out from the sky?
If from where you're standing,
you can see the sky above
I'll be waiting for you,
if you still believe in love
(do you still believe?)

Find a way to bring back yesterday
Find a way to love
I hope we stay
When tomorrow becomes today
Love will find a way

I'll be waiting for you,
in my heart you are the one
If I cannot find you,
I will look up to the sun
(do you believe, do you believe?)
If from where you're standing,
you can see the sky above
I'll be waiting for you,
if you still believe in love

Do you believe?
Do you believe?

Do you still remember
all the time that has gone by?
Do you still believe that
love can fall out from the sky?
If from where you're standing,
you can see the sky above
(do you believe?)
I'll be waiting for you,
if you still believe in love

Do you believe?



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History


April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006